50 Rules of a Knicks Fan’s Household

By Tommy Rothman

1. Thou shalt not bandwagon
2. Thou shalt not desert thy team
3. Thou shalt obey all men in the household, because men have balls, and balls don’t lie
4. Thou shalt watch every game. You get 1 skip a year. Use it well
5. Am I busy between 7 and 10? Yes. Unless you’re asking because you have an extra ticket.
6.  Thou shalt Like “New York Knicks Memes”
7. The game is on ESPN? Cool story. It’s also on MSG
8. Thou shalt not sing the Friday Night Knicks song, for it is cursed
9. Oh, you’re a Heat fan? I’m glad to hear that. Now I know not to associate myself with you.
10. You want to have a conversation? That’s what halftime is for
11. If Clyde tells a joke, you laugh
12. Thou shalt know all 15 players on the roster
13. The words “Isiah” and “Thomas” must be separated by at least 10 negative adjectives if they are to be used in the same sentence
14. Thou shalt worship Carmelo Anthony as the Basketball Jesus
15. Thou shalt not use Carmelo Anthony’s name in vain
16. Thou shalt take 3 to the dome every single time the Knicks hit a 3
17. Thou shalt do the belt every time Steve Novak hits a 3
18. If you see a fellow Knicks fan, you must acknowledge them in some way
19. If a Heat fan is walking towards you, don’t get out of his way. Stand your ground and take a charge
20. There will be SILENCE when the Basketball Jesus is speaking
21. Thou shalt not consume Honey Nut Cheerios
22. Thou shalt not miss any game because of homework, ever! Due tomorrow = Do tomorrow
23. Thou shalt recognize the flat-top
24. Thou shalt recognize the goatee
25. Thou shalt recognize Rasheed’s bald spot
26. Hating the Nets is not encouraged. It is REQUIRED
27. Thou shalt have New York Knicks Memes open on thy laptop during the game
28. All compliments towards LeBron James must be backhanded
29. Amar’e Stoudemire is the reason we put this team together. Thou shalt respect Amar’e Stoudemire
30. Tyson Chandler is the heart and soul of this team. Thou shalt not insult Tyson Chandler
31. Thou shalt cry a manly tear whenever Carmelo does something god-like
32. Thou shalt scream “ARIBA” every time you steal the inbounds pass when playing NBA 2K
33. If Steve Novak dunks, you turn off the TV, turn off the lights, wait in your dark bedroom, and hope the apocalypse is quick and painless
34. Tyson Chandler is better than Brook Lopez. You must view this as a fact.
35. Remember Allan Houston? Yes, you do.
36. Thou shalt own a Knicks Jersey
37. Thou shalt have at least 1 shrine to the Knicks in thy household
38. Your marriage is just your side affair. Your true love is the Knicks
39. Thou shalt not compliment Joey Crawford
40. Thou shalt not boo unless the Knicks are asking for it
41. Oh, I just woke you up by screaming after a basket? Well, you shouldn’t have fallen asleep during the game
42. If Mike Woodson smiles, thou shalt take a picture. Pics or it didn’t happen.
43. Thou shalt worship Flight White’s leaping abilities
44. Thou shalt rep the #Knickstape
45. Thou shalt taunt fans of other teams
46. Thou shalt troll Nets and Heat pages
47. Do not breathe when you are in the presence of Carmelo. The air belongs to him
48. Thou shalt learn to live with the bad side of JR Smith
49. Jason Kidd is the wise one. Thou shalt not insult his age
50. Thou shalt Purchase “Zeroes” on your iTunes, because Iman Shumpert is featured on it.