BREAKING: Bird, Russell, 17 banners fall short in Celtics loss to Knicks

By Tommy Rothman


The New York Knicks pulled off a stunning series victory Friday, knocking off the Boston Celtics in round 1 of the 2013 NBA playoffs. The Knicks used superior current talent to overcome the Celtics’ history, leaving Boston in shock.

“I can’t believe it”, said Paul Pierce, ” Larry and Bill just didn’t produce today. We’ll be back next year though. Older, wiser, and less relevant.”

The Knicks were partying it up in the locker room after the game.

“The key to stopping the 17 championship banners from beating us was to realize that they are inanimate objects from 40 years ago that nobody gives a crap about”, said Knicks point guard Raymond Felton.


“The legendary players from when we were actually good didn’t show up today”, lamented Celtics coach Doc Rivers, “Maybe it is because I am doing something wrong. Maybe it is because they are all 75 year old retirees now. I don’t have answers yet”.


“Changes will be made, I can promise you that”, said Celtics GM Danny Ainge. Ainge would not go into more detail, but sources close to New York Knicks Memes have confided that Boston plans on pursuing players who were actually good in 2013 in order to make a run in 2014. 

“Hondo is not what he used to be, and DJ has been dead for years. Larry’s back is gone, and Rajon Rondo can only do so much on his own”, said Bill Simmons after the game. “It’s gonna be a long year for Celtics fans next season”.

Bostonians were not showing any signs of disappointment after the game.

“Screw it. We were good 30 years ago”, said one Celtics fan, “That’s what counts. Right? Right?”


Disclaimer: Information in this article may not necessarily be factual


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