BREAKING: Heat All-Star Chris Bosh confirms rumors

“I can’t live with the lie any longer. The rumors are true”, the Heat star told reporters today. “I think those close to me have known for a long time. But now is the time to get it off my chest.”


Bosh paused for a moment, wiping tears from his face before picking up the microphone again:

” I don’t even lift. I never have. Even in high school, I didn’t lift. In Toronto, I didn’t lift. And i don’t lift now. I have to come clean to all my fans: I don’t even lift. ”

Bosh paused again as gasps overtook the conference room.

“The extinction of my ancestors was tough on me… I think in many ways, it shaped who I am. Luckily, thanks to never-ending support from LeBron James, David Stern, and Joey Crawford, I have been able to overcome my lack of talent and strength in order to put up some stats”.

Bosh paused and nodded at Stern and Crawford, who were in attendance.

“I would also like to thank ESPN for exaggerating my abilities. It has made me feel like a true member of the Miami Heat.”

NBA Players took to twitter after the announcement to post their thoughts.

“I knew Bosh didn’t even lift. I was pushing that trash around in the paint all day long,” said Knicks forward Steve Novak.

“It’s nice to have a weak player like Bosh, who I can stop without using immature trash talk” tweeted Celtics big man Kevin Garnett

“Bosh might not lift, but he is as caring and compassionate as anyone out there”, read a tweet from teammate Dwyane Wade.

Sources close to New York Knicks Memes disclosed that Bosh had been considering making his announcement since winning a championship in June, but wanted to wait until the time was right.

Disclaimer: Information conveyed in this article may not necessarily be factual


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